Ever since I was introduced to Emily Dickinson's poetry when I was around 17, I've felt like her poems were etched on my brain. She feels like a kindred spirit to me. Through the last month, two poems in particular keep coming to mind.
The heart asks pleasure first
And then, excuse from pain-
And then, those little anodynes
That deaden suffering;
And then, to go to sleep;
And then, if it should be
The will of its Inquisitor,
The liberty to die.
and
a line that goes something like:
There's a fitting a dismay, a fitting a despair,
Tis harder knowing it is due, than knowing it is here.
I keep expecting to feel relief that at least it's over and no longer hanging over my head. But it doesn't ever come. It just keeps hurting.
When you lose someone so special in your life, it causes long lasting pain. A part of your heart is now missing for the rest of your life. On the other hand, when you are not so consumed with the sadness of it all, you’ll be better at feeling her spiritual presence in your life. Having a loving guardian angel that you know well and can recognize is an amazing blessing.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you've had to go through this, Jenifer. You've been on my mind the last few weeks. I know all too well what it's like to lose a sibling. The ache lessens but doesn't go away...you just learn to live with it. Your sister sounds like she was - and is - a beautiful person, much like you.
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